agujero cósmico

siento q me estoy cayendo por un abismo negro y sin fin, encontrandome y perdiendome al mismo tiempo, el vacio que lo llena todo (no sé porqué preguntarme estas cosas, plantearlas)
no sólo estoy sin rumbo, a la deriva, estoy....ahh, quiero gritar pero no puedo, quiero salir de mi (literalmente y corriendo)
asi y todo sobrevivo al dia a dia, pienso que tiene que existir algo más arriba que todo esto, lo estaba pensando el otro dia cuando iba en el 33.
tal vez sea lo que prefiero creer, un algo divino, sin forma, algo que permanece flotando, que está entre nosotros, en el aire, es una presencia intangible pero presente, está ahi al alcance de la mano sólo que no se puede agarrar...(si, como la arena o el agua, que se escurre entre los dedos), pensar que hay algo que escape a esta lógica banal y frívola de existencia, a lo que exije esta sociedad o a lo que me exijo yo misma.

cosa acuosa cabeza venenosa...cuánto misterio, cuánta cosa dando vueltas que no se sabe que es, que no se conoce.

a perfect, permanent, continuous loneliness perpetration

Sometimes I just can’t help it, you know?

This is not for you to say oh poor girl, not for anybody to say anything…this is for me, is a fact, a fucking shit, I can’t help to feel lonely, nothing that you can say can change that, it’s just the way it is. Don’t know why, or how, I don’t think I deserve it but at the same time is what I do to myself, this isn’t anybody’s fault but mine.

You can trust, you can talk to someone, you can rely yourself in someone else, but when the day ends you’re on your own.

At some place I’ve read that all your failures are your responsibility or something like that, and that’s just the most awful, shocking disturbing truth. I can’t blame anybody else for my lack of confidence in me, my (in) existent self-steam…and I really don’t blame anybody else, if that matters.

I don’t even know if this is suppose to help me deal with the problems (those ones I can’t handle).

I feel like I’m some kind of faceless woman, I don´t recognize myself when I look in the mirror, I don’t know where I’m going (or if I have to go anywhere).

And this is not a supposition I’m not just feeling lost, I am lost. I’m running nowhere in a mirrored laberint (or labyrinth if that, for any chance, is the same thing).

That’s the other thing, I don’t give myself the chances I deserve if I deserve any (and that annoying if always in the middle) the same insane sensation over and over again that I’m better than this, that I can do better, the being halfway sensation…

And what if this is it, what if I don’t get anything better, what if I don’t deserve anything better, what if I can’t give myself more than I do right now? What!? I’m not gonna be stuck forever in this sort of unsolved puzzle, am I?? What am I suppose to do??

Ahh, mira todas esas personas solitarias…

De dónde vienen?

A dónde pertenecen?